Until

Until.

Written for Mother’s Day

There is always so much we don’t know. Another world
Another view
Another way
About others
About ourselves
And, even about our mothers …

So much about a mother lies quietly out of understanding
Her heart, deeper …
Peaks and valleys
Vast oceans of love and longing
Tiny, dark caves of regret
Joy and wounds
Peace and pain
Surrender
Redemption

So much I didn’t know, couldn’t know,
Still don’t know…
Sacrifice
Choice
One I’d make over and over, a thousand times over

There is a mysterious air about a mother
Depths to her unknown
Places in her heart unseen
Secrets unshared
She is whole and full and broken
Another side, tucked away
And all the while, I didn’t know ….

Until I rocked my own baby in the still, dark hours of the night
Until I prayed for sleep and longed for rest
Until tears and milk were spilled
Until love poured easily from me

Until boo-boos were kissed
Until hands were held
Until I kneeled by their beds in prayer
Until the days became too long and the years became too short

Until I held them while they cried
Until I felt their sadness as my own
Until I felt so proud, my heart felt fire
Until suffocation partners with need

Until I listened to their dreams
Until I saw myself in their eyes
Until I watched them succeed
Until I heard them pray on their own

Until I desperately missed their littleness
Until I learned to know them as a friend
Until I felt wistful
Until I looked forward

And, then I knew.
My mother is my best friend
And, I hope I’ll always be theirs
But there will be things about her, that she keeps just for her
And there will be things about me they won’t be able to see.
They won’t understand a mother’s heart …

Until …