I’m one of those people who says “I’m sorry” too often. I’m a chronic apologizer. I don’t why. I don’t know when it started or where it came from, but it’s annoying, I know. It’s annoying ME. I’m sorry that I say, “I’m sorry” so often. Ugh. I don’t even think I’m actually apologizing TO anyone most the time. I think it’s me apologizing to ME … for not being perfect enough. I think what I really need to start with is – “Hi. My name is Lori and I’m a perfectionist. It’s a problem. Internally.” They say the first step is admitting that you have a problem, right? So, there’s my confession. Now. I’m ready. To. Let. It. Go. But, first, a purging of the Sorries…
I’m sorry that the house isn’t clean. I’m sorry that dinner isn’t ready. I’m sorry that even though I’m organized, I’m not more organized. I’m sorry that there is clutter on my counters. I’m sorry that I didn’t call you back. I’m sorry that I hate dinner-time. I’m sorry that I don’t love to cook. I’m sorry that I don’t work-out more. I’m sorry that I didn’t take you for a walk today. I’m sorry that I don’t feel like having sex tonight. I’m sorry that I don’t want to go to the playground today. I’m sorry that we don’t go to the pool every day. I’m sorry that we don’t do more crafts/baking/playing. I’m sorry that I don’t rock you to sleep. I’m sorry that my stomach isn’t flat anymore. I’m sorry that my boobs ARE flat now. I’m sorry that I let you eat so many fruit snacks. I’m sorry that I didn’t get the vacuuming done. I’m sorry that we don’t talk as much as we used to. I’m sorry that dinner isn’t ready. I’m sorry that I don’t schedule more play-dates. Sigh. I’m sorry that I just said, “I’m sorry” again…
OH my gosh! It’s a disease. Truly. It’s attacking my brain. I’m so over it. Now, how do I stop it? I’m determined. I’m breaking free, y’all. Break free with me! That bully that lives inside of my brain, that size-4-college-body-version-of-myself-that-didn’t-have-anyone-but-her-to-take-care-of bully, she’s kinda mean. She’s mean to me. It’s so past time to ditch her. Bye-bye brain bully! I’m ready. To. Let. It. Go.
My beautiful cousin, Sharon, over at MommyVerbs, is on to something pretty great. Besides “engaging each day one action verb at a time” (check out her blog – it’s a good one), she’s also declared herself a #JustOkMom. How refreshing. How … kinda awesome. To say, hey, I’m good enough. I’m enough. I’m a Good Enough Momma. I strive to be a better version of myself and I’ll keep doing that. It’s what I do. I’ll keep trying to better myself, but I can stop trying to achieve perfection. It’s unachievable. And, that’s okay. Who wants perfect, anyways?! We can stop apologizing for it and just accept it – we are never gonna be perfect. God made us all perfectly imperfect. We can stop insulting him with all the beating up on ourselves that we’ve been doing. We are on to something here, y’all! A Good Enough movement, maybe? 🙂 Maybe we can be okay being Good Enough Mommas. Maybe we can be okay being Good Enough Wives and Good Enough Friends and Good Enough Housekeepers. The list could go on. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying to let it all go. I’m not saying to be a Slacker Momma. It’s hard work and we gotta keep at it. But, we don’t have to “I’m sorry” ourselves through the day. Let’s just work hard, be the good mommas that we are, get done what we get done and save the rest for another day … without apologizing. Let’s save our Sorries for when we truly need them. As Sharon says on MommyVerbs, “Let’s all, Go. Do that.”
Where’s the LOVE button? Way to kick that brain bully to the curb! Seriously…you are totally right. You are doing great, loving your kiddos, building a home that is full of fun and activity, and finding time to take care of you, too. It is all good stuff and there’s nothing to want for, nothing to apologize for. Thanks for the shout out and for joining me on the #JustOKMom movement! Ha! I’ve got another one to add to the list from just this morning…about a little boy and some flip flops I forgot to buy for him. Oh my…
I adore you! Keep writing! Keep sharing!
I adore you, too! Thanks for the inspiration and support! Can’t wait for that book 😉
Totally sharing! Love it! 🙂
Thanks for sharing, Charity! I’m glad it connected 🙂
Love this!!! Makes me want to sing “Let It Go!” Great job Lori. I feel refreshed after reading your blog
I know, Katie! I was singing “Let it Go” in my head too! 🙂
Check out Carol Tuttle’s dressing your truth. Just google it. It may change your life. It did mine. I know know why I dislike my need to be perfect and apologize for everything that falls short of perfect. We all have something special to give the world, once you discover it you can love yourself! You are amazing!
Power to the Good Enough Mommas 🙂 Love it Lori!!
So i just read the update and had to come back and read this article…. HI, my name is Kisa, and I a serial apologizer….I’m surprised Fyn’s first words weren’t i’m sorry. One of my very close friends would get onto me at my old job because I over apologize – for random things, even if the fault is on someone else – I’m sorry just came out automatically. I have done it for years and just blamed it on my people pleaser gene. I’m reading Lean-In in bits and pieces because all together is a bit overwhelming for me and I need to digest and filter through the message. One of the first things I got from the book was to stop apologizing. Stop taking fault and blame, stop apologizing for my opinion, my thoughts, my choices. For the most part they’re made for a reason and not a whim and that I should stick to what i think, not back down if there’s the hint of conflict or someone pushes back. I think this can be applied everywhere – at work, at home, with my friends, and most importantly with myself. I’m not sure my younger self would have understood that – but my multi-taking mom self is beginning to get it. If I mess up – clean it up best I can and move on – let it be, get passed it and learn from it. I would not want to raise a daughter to be this way and I definitely don’t want to raise my son hearing his mommy apologize and doubt herself. Thank you for sharing your blog and thoughts…..a lot of the time it mirrors all the things in my head and there’s comfort in your words! Regardless of time and distance – miss you sweet friend! Thanks for sharing.
Hi Kisa! 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to comment and share your sweet words. I’m glad it connected. It’s always comforting to know that I’m not alone. That there’s a whole world of other #goodenoughmommas out there just powering on, loving their babies, trying to love themselves too. xoxo
Lori I LOVE this! Would love to repost it on the Missional Motherhood site as a part of our #MomLifeUnfiltered challenge if you are Ok with that?
Sure, Lindsey! I’d love to contribute to the #MomLifeUnfiltered Challenge! I plan on posting more about this challenge, but would be thrilled to have my article reposted on Missional Motherhood!