My sweet boy,
I know I say it every year. But, you are growing up. Things are changing for us and in us, and my boy, you are a big kid now. It’ll always be hard (maybe impossible even) for you to understand … the way the changes in you effect my heart. I know it’s natural for you to pull away. I know it’s normal for you to drop my hand when you think others are watching. I know big guys might turn away from their momma’s kisses every now and then. I know. I just didn’t think it would happen to us … not yet … not so soon. My poor momma heart can’t handle it. You are my N bug. My first baby. We were always connected in a special way. The thought of that bond being severed in any way is just more than I can take.
You are the one who has and is teaching me so much about life and love. And I know I’m making this birthday letter all about me and my poor, raw feelings right now, but oh my love, you are my heart. My biggest life lesson right now is mostly about allowing my heart to stretch and let you go a little bit more and a little bit more. You’re SEVEN! You’re in 1st Grade now. You are learning what spreading your wings might look like. What it might feel like. I shouldn’t be so surprised.
My boy, you amaze me in most all the ways. You are smart. You are funny. You are kind and caring. You are witty. You repeat quotes in movies, while the movie is STILL playing … just like your daddy. You are creative. You are silly. You are quiet. You are observant. You are tender. You are loyal. You are logical. You are strong.
When I close my eyes and try to freeze you right here and now, at 7, I see you —-
Climbing. Trees. Walls. Light posts. Anything. Always climbing.
Riding your bike. Fast and confident and sure. Always riding that bike.
Playing. Playing Beyblades or trading Pokémon cards.
Collecting. All the junky toys. All the time.
Building. Legos, creations, forts, etc.
Snuggling. Under “brown blankie” or your “monkey mat”.
Swimming. Around the pool with your snorkel on.
Doing cannonballs into the pool or crazy moves down the slide.
Soccer. It’s your sport.
Buzz cut. Your current ‘do.
Thinking. That mind of yours is always going. Always thinking. Always planning.
Reading. We still love to read together. Our books have evolved over the years. I’m holding on to that.
Being. I love to just BE with you.
So, while I miss (sometimes almost wildly and unreasonably) the way we used to snuggle under a blanket and watch Curious George together for hours on end … all tangled up together, I do cherish and adore our relationship now … just as much. I love our conversations and how we talk. I love the little man that you are. I love our “dates”. I love how your mind works. Always thinking, inventing, listening. I love you. All of you. Every stage of you. Every year of you. To the moon. For all time.
Happiest “Golden” Birthday! #sevenontheseventh
Love, Your Momma
I never fail to love everything you write; I’m a hopeless “soft heart” with all people I care about and you guys “cover all the bases” with me. But our “little guy” has always been the key to so much of our happiness it’s to be expected to get a “catch” in your heart if he looks away from you. As they grow up they start to look away from us and it doesn’t always feel good. You know they love you but you notice things getting overlooked that never were in the past. It takes courage to be a parent. The more special the child; the more courage the parent will need. God will give you everything you need as He always does because that’s what He is to us. I am confident our N will continue to bless us through every phase of his life.