This is 40

This is 40.

40.

Honestly, I’m not sad to see you 

I haven’t been dreading you

I’m not sorry that you are here

A new decade

It sounds weird, but it doesn’t feel scary

It feels … hopeful

Fresh with possibility

A Spring that has arrived ~ bringing with it all the lovely smells of freshly cut grass and the promise of a flower and the breeze of tomorrow … 

I lean away from fear (it is there too, fraying the edges) and into … excitement, maybe

I am a dreamer

Still at 40, I am

Life doesn’t feel like it’s passing me by

My dreams aren’t fading away

Maybe, they’re sharper even, than before

Closer now

Close enough to touch

To hold 

My twenties were friends and love and growth and becoming and unbecoming

Finding God on my own terms

My thirties were babies and motherhood and marriage and life

Thick in the trenches of diapers and little sleep and potty-training

Missing friends. Missing myself

But love lived there

A pure, bright love that brought me a wholeness

Love to carry me through the hard days

Hands that found mine in the night

The feeling of being needed

Beautiful, imperfect cracks in my heart

Unbecoming and becoming again all over again 

My twenties were fun

My thirties were wonderful 

Forty feels like a homecoming

I am stronger in who I am

Comfortable with myself

Sure of who my people are

Full

And, so I’ll embrace it

I’ll walk into it with a smile

Feeling … full circle almost 

Calmer

Confident 

Excited to continue to learn and grow

Feed myself the good fruit

Drink the water, not the Kool-aid

Walk in faith

Fill my cup up so that I can pour out into others

Bright

Hopeful

Hello, 40 

Pleased to meet you